Discovering Your Life Goal
What’s up everybody and welcome – to this – the 40th episode of the Males’s Self-Assist Podcast. I’m your host Dr. John Moore and I’m a licensed psychotherapist out of Chicago, Illinois. For Ha Ha’s, I additionally train faculty programs in psychology and in enterprise.
Now earlier than we get too far in, I ask that you simply please hit that subscribe button, so that you by no means miss one other episode. Additionally, consider the fabric that follows is instructional in nature and isn’t a alternative for psychological well being counseling and I’m not your private therapist.
Alrighty – let’s hop proper to our matter at this time:
How To Discover Your Life’s Goal
You understand, within the almost 20-years I’ve been doing counseling and training, this explicit subject is one which ranks proper up there for the highest causes males hunt down steerage. Actually, I touched on this a bit in episode episode 37 – if you wish to test it out.
And normally, that is how the subject comes up when a person reaches out:
Hey Dr. John, are you able to assist me work out the place I ought to be heading in life?
Hey Dr. John, how do I work out my life’s objective?
Haha, I’ll inform ya, as I dive into all of this with you, I’m reminded of a consumer of mine from a number of years again named Travis. He a younger man, possibly in his late twenties, who had simply completed a six-year enlistment within the U.S. Navy.
As I share this with you, I can nonetheless see Travis in my thoughts’s eye sitting on my sofa throughout that first session. He stated one thing to me like: “I’m undecided what I ought to be doing subsequent in my life. I’ve earned this diploma in Normal Research as a result of I wasn’t positive what else to do.
After which he stated:
“You see that’s the story of my life. I’m tremendous indecisive.”
As a part of our work collectively, I might come to be taught that Travis got here from a working-class household on Chicago’s South Aspect – out by Halfway Airport and never removed from the place the White Sox play. Raised Catholic, his dad was a policeman and his mother labored as a meals server at one of many metropolis’s excessive faculties.
Now I’m telling you all of this as a result of I may relate to Travis and knew full nicely what it was like to return from this type of inventory. To make a protracted story brief, there may be an expectation for males from these components to get a very good paying job to lift a household.
And to maintain it actual – for a lot of of those males – the thought is to seek out regular, secure work and never essentially significant or fulfilling work.
Does that make sense?
Now let me be clear and state this isn’t true for all males and positively not true for all guys developing on Chicago’s South Aspect. That stated, even in our fashionable age, there may be nonetheless an unstated expectation that flows as a form of masculine undercurrent.
And since I understood this about Travis’s background, I additionally knew he felt a bit misplaced and beneath stress to determine issues out. And you recognize what – that’s precisely what we did. We, or I ought to say he, figured it out.
What follows are 5 fives methods to seek out your life objective you would possibly wish to take into account. To a lesser or better diploma, that is the strategy I took with Travis.
As this pod continues, I’ll be returning again to him as a degree of reference.
Are you prepared? OK, let’s get proper to it.
Step One: Know Your Story
So, proper off the bat, any try at looking for your life objective should embrace understanding your story. And once I say know your story, I don’t imply issues like the way you got here to be, the place you have been born or your loved ones’s DNA.
Nope – as an alternative, once I say know your story, I’m speaking about inspecting your previous and figuring out your struggles. One option to go about that is to seize a pen and paper and easily have a look at the instances in your life that have been most difficult.
However your purpose right here is to transcend taking a look at your struggles, taking a look at your difficulties. As a substitute, the thought is to focus the distinctive traits and expertise you employed that helped to drag you thru.
And what you’re actually doing right here is focusing in on any patterns. You see it’s in these patterns that the contours of your life’s objective will start to emerge.
To maintain it actual with you – that is precisely what I requested Travis do as a part of his personal quest. I had him seize a bit of paper and draw three columns.
He labeled column one Battle, column two Ability and column three Patterns.
Over the course of time, Travis found that he was capable of pull upon his personal resilience to work via exhausting instances, similar to his grandparents had once they emigrated
And he acquired that sense of resilience from his grandparents, pulling upon their very own private narrative of optimism and exhausting work after immigrating from Eire. You see it was of their private tales, and Travis’s curiosity in them, that gave him a chip for overcoming obstacles.
Does that make sense?
Now I have to say now that this explicit technique isn’t one which it’s best to rush. Consider this train as a form of journaling exercise that can take a number of days and possibly even weeks to finish. And that’s as a result of a few of your experiences, significantly the tough ones, could also be buried deep inside your psyche.
OK, in order that’s the first step.
Step Two: Determine your obsessions
Okay, this one could appear simple, nevertheless it is likely to be tougher than you suppose. Realizing your passions means spending time wanting on the stuff you naturally gravitate to.
Right here’s an instance. Each time Travis got here to my workplace for remedy, he had some form of ebook with him. And 9 instances out of ten, it had one thing to do with historical past, like a biography of Teddy Roosevelt or one thing in regards to the Daley Household.
Haha – you recognize, as I share this with you now, I’m reminded of 1 session we had the place Travis noticed a duplicate of the Chicago Solar Instances sitting on my desk. He checked out me and stated one thing like, “Hey Dr. John – do you know that newspaper you’ve been studying was based by Marshall Fields the Third, son of Marshall Fields – you recognize, as within the Division Retailer?
And to maintain it actual with you, I actually didn’t know this. However what I shortly grew to become conscious of was that Travis was obsessive about historical past. Like massive time. The issue was, he didn’t realize it. As a substitute, Travis thought his pursuits have been extra like a random interest. One thing that was simply form of there to cross the time.
And in order our periods continued, I noticed that each time one thing historic got here up, no matter it is likely to be, the man’s eyes would love up like a Christmas tree and he would grow to be tremendous animated.
Someday I pointed this out to Travis and requested him, Did you ever discover that when the subject of historical past comes up, you get actually excited? Have you ever ever considered utilizing a few of that within the service of others?
Whereas I don’t recall precisely what he stated, it was one thing alongside the strains of, “Yeah proper dude. You’ll be able to’t make a dwelling off of understanding random information.”
However I already knew the query itself had piqued his creativeness.
And this allow us to to our subsequent technique. Which is:
Step Three: Use a software
A part of understanding our objective in life is to know one thing about our character and items. And may I be actual with you? Self-insight and meditation will solely get you up to now. Don’t get me incorrect – they’re essential – however typically a software is required for an goal evaluation.
Because of this I encourage folks to take a character evaluation. Right here, I’m speaking about one thing patterned after the Myers-Briggs Kind Stock. To not get into the weeds, however this software was developed by Isabel Myers and her mom Katherine Briggs and relies on their work with the well-known Swiss Psychiatrist, Carl Jung and his concept or character varieties.
And guys, you’ll be able to take this evaluation totally free on-line. It gained’t value you a dime. Simply head on over to 16 personalities dot com and undergo the questions. I’ll put a hyperlink to this useful resource in present notes simply so you have got it.
However be forewarned, many who take the evaluation discover their outcomes to be freakishly correct.
Now earlier than shifting ahead, I’ve acquired to say that character assessments are conclusive in nature. In different phrases, they aren’t designed to color you right into a nook or label you. As a substitute, consider them as a form of flashlight – a approach of shedding extra mild on the deeper you.
In Travis’s case, his character evaluation turned out to be a typology referred to as: ESTJ. The E is for Extroverted. The S is for Sensing. The T is for Pondering and the J is for Judging.
Now I’m not going to get into the weeds with you on what this typology means as a result of while you take your evaluation, you’ll get an in depth breakdown that explains what every thing.
For our functions, what’s vital to know is that Travis’s character sort occurred to be a very sturdy match for people all in favour of schooling, like lecturers and college directors.
By leaning into this type of software, it helped Travis to get to know himself higher, together with his strengths and problem areas. What’s extra, the evaluation sparked his creativeness about prospects for the longer term.
And in only a second, we’re going to speak in regards to the remaining two methods that have been useful to Travis – and will allow you to too.
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OK, so let’s get again to discovering your objective and transfer to the following technique – and that may be:
Step 4: Begin shifting
OK, as soon as we’ve reached this stage, it’s time to show the summary into motion. So, what does this imply? Properly, within the case of Travis, it meant taking an excellent small step. And he did this by making use of for a part-time job as a strolling tour information that confirmed gave guests background on town’s downtown structure.
Now right here’s the factor. This wasn’t Travis’s primary job. I’ll have this incorrect, however I feel his major supply of revenue again then was working at a tech agency within the Chicago’s Loop.
However the purpose he took the weekend job giving excursions was to see what it could be wish to lean into his passions and use them within the service of others – which on this case was to assist of us be taught one thing new about Chicago’s historical past.
Does that make sense?
And as time went on, Travis actually LOVED doing this type of work. It didn’t matter to him that the pay was crap, you recognize? Actually, for him, that weekend gig was one thing he seemed ahead to far more than his common job – and that’s as a result of what he was doing didn’t even really feel like work.
As I share this with you, ask your self the way you would possibly take a small step in the direction of your ardour – in the direction of your objective. For instance, do you want animals? Are you into automobiles? What is likely to be one small, tiny factor you are able to do that strikes you nearer to that factor that lights your fireplace – that holds your pursuits?
Alright, let’s get to that remaining step.
Step 5: Give Your self Time
This remaining technique is one which I can’t stress sufficient. For those who drive your self to seek out your objective, you’re solely going to frustrate your self.
Give your self permission to have interaction in new experiences and take a look at new issues. This will allow you to to uncover folks, matters and points that emotionally resonate with you. However in case you attempt to drive your self to be obsessed with one thing – to discover a objective, you’re putting stress on your self that’s solely going to deliver you down.
I’m going to share one thing with you that some folks in serving to professions would possibly discover blasphemous. Are you prepared?
It’s OK to not know your life objective proper now. It’s OK to not be on a day by day quest to determine what the hell you’re purported to be doing in life.
And I’m sharing this with you as a result of within the Karmic sense, the universe goes to unfold in the best way it was meant to be.
Now that doesn’t imply you shouldn’t put that intention on the market. One factor I inspired Travis to do as a part of our time collectively was to meditate every morning over a 90-day interval and say the next affirmation:
I invite the universe to point out me my objective. I invite the universe to point out me my objective. I invite the universe to point out me my objective.
And sure, I had him do that 3 times. The explanation I had him do that was as a result of I wished to assist Travis practice part of his mind referred to as the Reticular Activating System – which is situated within the brainstem – and it’s part of the mind that’s accountable for focus.
By meditating with this affirmation over a multi-week interval, Travis conditioned his aware and unconscious thoughts to see issues associated to his objective that he would possibly now have seen in any other case.
On a associated notice, I’d wish to suggest a useful resource to you to contemplate as a part of this step. It’s referred to as The Each day Gratitude Journal for Males: 90 Days of Mindfulness and Reflection by Dean Bokhari. Go to Amazon to be taught extra. Consider it as a software to assist get up your reticular activating system and focus your consciousness. I’ve put a hyperlink to this ebook in Present Notes.
So, you might be questioning what Travis is as much as at this time? Properly, I’m nonetheless in contact with him now and again and I can let you know he’s in a a lot totally different place. You see after our work collectively all of these years in the past, he would go on to earn some further credentials, like a grasp’s diploma in schooling. As we speak, he’s instructing historical past programs for certainly one of Chicago’s metropolis faculties.
And right here’s the factor – he loves it. No, it doesn’t pay him what a company job would possibly. However actually, he doesn’t care. He’s comfortable doing what he’s doing as a result of when he wakes up on the morning, he feels on a deep and intuitive degree that the work he’s doing brings his life which means.
So, earlier than we finish at this time’s present, let’s recap the 5 methods we simply went over:
Step One: Know Your Story
Step Two: Determine Your Obsessions
Step Three: Use a Instrument
Step 4: Begin Transferring
Step 5: Give Your self Time
OK, that’s what I’ve acquired for you at this time. As we shut out this podcast, I’m going to ask you a favor. For those who love this podcast or any of the previous pods that I’ve finished, please take a number of moments proper now to depart a assessment wherever you might be listening, however significantly on Apple Podcasts.
By doing this, you’re serving to this program to develop organically and present up increased within the listings in order that different males similar to you will discover the podcast.
I’m going to depart you now with the next request: Make it your purpose at this time to place a smile on another person’s face.
Thanks for listening to the Males’s Self-Assist Podcast and I hope you have got a tremendous day!